[Drawings] JVL's sketch studio

[JVL]

Good to hear that there are some opinions-

@Cloud- I wasn't asking for you to pint out every sinlge mistake you can find from every page, just to read the whole thing and see if there is a good flow. And about the anatomical mistakes there... I know that there are some on just about every single page, but there isn't really anything to do but to make more pages to correct the problem. I don't have anyone around to point them out before inking the pages, so they just end up there. It will get better as I get more pages done or then it'll just suck all the time. I hope it doesn't annoy too much not to be able to read it, though. Backgrounds and such can be later replaced by some better ones, if I could find something suitable. And the computer screen- it should have been made with a screentone gradient, but the problem is how do you make one? The short person looks better in the first pic, and there is an obvious reason for it- I haven't practiced drawing that character yet. I have to make maybe 20 sketches or more to fully get it right like it is in the first pic...

@Wave- About lettering... I use now a font called FlairSSK- and it totally sucks! As you might notice the font has changed in one point. I used to have the WildWords, but when I moved and bought a new computer I lost it. And this font doesn't want to comply with me, it's missing letters and some marks and hyphens too... but it's the only "comic" font I have now. I can't just start using Arial...

The bubbles are made first according to the script, but my script doesn't state how they should be divided between balloons of one persons speech. Yes, I should do that next time definetly- and as for the dialogue, it's pretty hard to actually keep track of what they have said and what hasn't been said with my non- organized style of arranging the pages. I should have a proofreader to point that out, but hey, haven't got anyone. It's not impossible to fix that to more logical by removing couple of sentences here and there though- I guess i'll get on with it once I get the whole scene done.

And you ask what is my intention to with this- I don't know if you can call 300-400 pages a series, but that is what my script and estimation states, no less. I can't get it to fit in a smaller amount of pages. Why do you think I would be making this with this speed? I'd be dead before this is ready if I made it any slower! That's because there won't be anyone to help me with this, I'll have to be 6 persons in one- the writer, artist, screentoner(occupation in which I suck), proofreader, publisher- and then there was one that I can't remeber what it was in english, sorry... It's most certain that I won't get this published in my country, nor in any other at that. I'll just have to order a small batch made by some printing service when I get it done- that'll be my publishing. I'll give it to some friends of mine-

The reason why I put the comic here is to get some feedback and if someone wants to read it-

That was a pretty long post-

[Wave]

http://www.blambot.com/

Great for comic book fonts.

Okay, I just wanted to know the length of your comic because I'm wondering if it's all talk ^^ Individual projects are supposed to take a long amount of time... most independent artists actually spend quite a few years just dishing out one story (that's.. totally not supposed to sound as discouraging as it does ^^; )

Mm... There isn't anyone that's good at English for you to be able to give to just to read for proofreading? I would almost like to volunteer, but I'm not really /that/ proficient. @_@ maybe you can ask someone on the boards?

[AYAME]

What specific feedback are you looking for? Because it seems as though you are dissatisfied with the feedback so far, yet you ask for it.

The story it self is really good, but I have had the honor of hearing it start to finish, in a condensed version. It does seem a bit wordy at this point and tends to drag on. I do not write though, so I wouldn't know any other way to suggest. And I have already mentioned some of the translation issues. I think getting those taken care of would make for smoother reading.

Lol, when you described the new character, I was expecting a more dynamic look. Someone who's looks have been effected by war and the stress it brings, you know changes in the skin, facial muscles, not just a scar. Maybe someone a bit older who looks as though they have had many experiences. I like the height difference, I was thinking stockier, or boxier, a rougher look. I don't necessarily think she needs to be cute, some times a character is created just to be the opposite of another more important character. It helps to define the other character.

Good job so far, I am loving Hemera!

[JVL]

@Ayame- Of course I was looking for some with good critique(actually got two just now). Most of those that I have received so far have been pretty... well- not so informative. Just telling me it's ok doesn't really tell me a lot. And about the story itself- yes, it's full of explanation at the start, sorry about that. I tend to work in linear fashion, I already know what will happen so there isn't really any good spots to fit that talk anywhere. I could make some though... but considering it's me who's doing this it would be terrible. The character's look- yep I agree, it looks pretty young. I could just say that they have technology to get rid of that kind of changes in the skin... but I'm not that cheap. They won't be able to stop aging, that's for sure. Adding the creases beside the nose would make her look older and weathered, if you're talking about that. It's still in planning, so it can be altered, but it's pretty hard to make a small woman look much boxier without making her look too much like a man.

Translating, yes... one of the most irritating and at the same time most beneficial things in making this comic (since I'm in an all-english education in the uni). Sorry about being born to a nation that speaks one of the hardest languages in the world- if I'd do this in finnish, no one would understand a word, so I'll have to do it in english...

And yes, the next scene will be where the story actually gets to "start" properly, so not so much talking. When I get to page 60, I think it will get interesting already...

You're last sentence made me think- I hope it's just the character, not the one who it has been modeled after...

@Wave- That's a good page, thanks! although all the free fonts seem to have a non-profit thing to them, but I guess I won't make any-


Yes, I've made some long projects before, but they're not related to drawing- one that lasted about 3 years so far, and still not complete- maybe next month!(it's a woodworking project). So I do have the patience to make long projects- this story I started thinking about some 13 months ago, so not short this one, either(well I have to admit the army did slow me down quite considerably). If you want to hear the whole story, then you'd have to sit some 4 hours talking with me, since that is how long it took me to explain it last time to Ayame- If you'd speak finnish, I could just give you the script, but I guess you don't speak it, heh-

And about proofreading- All natively english speaking people I know don't have interest in comics(even for this one made by me), so no help there... same as always, I'll have to fend for myself.

Another excessively long and messy post-

[AYAME]

No, it's the character not the model I think she looks great.

If you make the new character really busty it will make her look stockier without making her look masculine, just a thought. I think the creases along the nose would work, also the stress line between the brow(a vertical line), as if she is in a state of constant agitation, lol.

I gave you suggestions for your grammar issues yet you completely ignored them, so you have only your stubbornness to blame now

[Wave]

mmm.. well, none of my art friends are actually writers writers (though they're very good at it) we read a lot of different types of stories and comics and analyze them on a super geeky level.

4 hours to explain the whole story? What's the summary? If you can condense the premise of your entire story in one tiny paragraph (like you would read on the back of manga/novels, or even in the first page of the comic book...)

Like

"Peter Parker was once an ordinary high school student who got bitten by a radioactive spider! After an unfortunate instance with the death of his uncle, he now understands that 'With great power comes great responsibility', and saves the world as Spider-Man!"

Or with Naruto... (.. which is actually a bad example cause they strayed so far from the premise for a while, but I hear they're back on track......)

"Naruto, a ninja school delinquent, aspires to be the best Ninja in the world and wants to become Hokage of his Village!"

Or all the summaries of the manga that we see on One Manga. As we read through the story, we obviously know it's more than that.

I mean, if you want to have a comic that focuses more on the text than the art itself, it's fine. I don't know if that's what you want to do, but for me, it seems like the amount of text is more overwhelming than the actual art itself.

And now I'll mention all the stuff I really wish weren't true, and what I really don't want to say...

If you wanted this to be a project that would have aimed toward the masses and be able to sell it at a profitable standpoint, I think you need a stronger "selling point."

You're 23~ pages in, and the only bits of action that you have are in the first few pages where there's a ton of narration and text. The art is attractive enough to draw attention, but the story fails in the sense that you have too much going on.

Think about a movie that you watch. Although they're different mediums, the script writing for movies and stories are often very similar. If you watch the start of the movie and see 2 minutes of flashback action, but then the next 40 minutes is all just explaining and talk, is it enough to keep the viewer watching?

(I personally like scifi and tech stuff that you do so I'm trying really hard here to look at this from an outside perspective :X )

(and ... and... maybe you can think about releasing like... the first 20 pages in a zip file so it's easier for more people to read?)

[JVL]

@Wave- You wish weren't true? I won't get hurt with words, so just say what you think. And the points were true- by the way.

I cutted away half of the text from the latest scene, I think it is better now...but the pages before that, I don't really care to do the same, they suck pretty much anyway. They'd need redoing. I'll see if I can get the pages up here also. And actually, if it is better without the whole 14 first pages, then they can actually be cut away in the end. It remains to be seen. A summary, let's see... something like this: The year is 2547. Two assasins, brother and sister have to choose between their own or the lives of 27 billion others before the time runs out- before the war starts- and they are the only ones who can stop it. Yep, that's pretty much it-

But basically if you are talking about aiming the story to someone- I don't think the story is suitable for the masses in any way. Too much dark themes and twisted people. Someone who likes to read Elfen Lied might like it. And there aren't many of those around here(actually those who even read comics are rare enough).

A zip? I have no idea how I could send that to to the internet so that is could be loaded from there. Yes, I'm that good with information logistics.

@Ayame- I guess I could try those, but I'll see what it would look like-

[JVL]

Some redoing over the dialogue on pages 18-25:

18

Spoiler:

19

Spoiler:

20

Spoiler:

21

Spoiler:

22

Spoiler:

23

Spoiler:

24

Spoiler:

25

Spoiler:

The computer screen shouldn't look as crap as it used to in page 24, but I'm not an interface designer-

The pages might be better or then they might even be worse, I don't know. You decide-

[JVL]

Oookay-

More of this:
26

Spoiler:

27

Spoiler:

28

Spoiler:

And if you are wondering how is it that it is taking me so long to make the pages even though they look pretty simple, is this: I'm at the same time I'm drawing these, I'm redrawing the first 14 pages to be a little more intriguing than the version I have there now. There wouldn't be a point showing them to you now, since there are only 3 ready from those... I'll just dump them here once I get them all done. That will slow the overall progress down a bit as you can see, but I think it'll be worth it...

And this is another one for the "death"- theme, but I don't think I'll put this up, I like the other one more. I made Aether this time because he hasn't been in the spotlight as often as his sister-

Spoiler:

I used only markers, and no computer or screentones at all. Yes, it's a terrible mess, I know...

Back to writing the script-

[shortpeopleunite!]

Wow! This stuff is amazing! I actually like the White Phosphorous one best. Do you speak German? I was able to understand the writing.