Day 26 [OMSWC]

[Enjoying Ur Death]

just beginning this thing and will add more as i go along. enjoy what i put so far and look forward to the rest.

Author: Enjoying Ur Death
Contest number: #2
Category: Romance
Theme/Prompt: Birthday



Day 26




SCCCCRRREEEEEECCCCHHH
BANG
BOOM
..............................



Ever sense last year I have been able to see these beings. They go around following those who's lives are close to ending. They don't have individual names or a set name for what they are. I just decided to call them the Death Collectors. They don't cause the deaths, that in fact is left to the death gods, what they do in fact do is collect the souls of these dead people.

In my case, I'm not dying anytime soon so I don't have one to follow me, but I do follow one particular Death Collector. He might be dead and all but I still can't help but think he's hot. I know I can't really be with him but I try my best to stay with him when he's following around his victims. His name, he doesn't remember, so I just call him Elie.

He's a gentle kind of guy but he's very open with his opinions and sometimes that can get annoying,but still I deal with him. On this particualr day though, I saw a different expression on his face then usual.

"What's wrong Elie? You look like you're in a bad mood," I said falling into step with his floating.
"It's nothing Marie and would you stop calling me Elie," he said rudely.
"Then what do you want me to call you?"
"Nothing at all that's what."
"No way. Since only I can see you and talk to you I am going to call you Elie."
"You're a very pushy woman you know that?"
"Yes I do actually."
"At least you know that you're hard headed and need to act more feminine."
"Hey!!!! I am feminine you rude jerk!"
"Sure whatever you say. Now go away so I can do my job."
"Can't I watch?"
"You watch anyways so what's the point in asking?"
"To hear what your answer is going to be."
"Well just follow me like you always do then."
"Right then captain."

We followed this business guy around for like an hour before we finally got to the point where he was going to die. Elie reached into his pocket and got out his list of names. He crossed out the man's name and then waited by the road. The man crossed the street and dropped his keys in the middle of the road. Then is when I saw a Death God. He controlled one of the cars and made it hit the guy. He went over the bumper and flew up in the air before landing on the ground.

Scenes like these don't bother me much since I got used to them already. The Death God soon left and then Elie made his appearance. He said something to the man but I couldn't hear it for I didn't like to get close to the newly departed nor get in Elie's way. I watched as Elie gave the soul an end of a long chain and watch the spirit be yanked away.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

"What did you tell him?"
"I told him that because of his sins he could not enter our father's kingdom."
"What was it that he did?"
"A long time ago he rapped a young woman in an ally way and then took her money. He never repented and never got caught either for the woman said nothing to the police or her friends."
"Can't he ask for forgiveness now?"
"No he can't. It's too many years too late to ask for forgiveness."
"I wonder, do you know where I'm going to go when I die?"
"No I don't. Those details don't come in until it's close to your time. Besides, w're not allowed to speak about the Death Dates."
"So if I was going to die, you wouldn't tell me what day?"
"No I would not. That information is classified."
"That's sad really. For sure I thought you might tell me since we're friends."
"We're not friends."
"You always say that but you always go to my house at night."
"I like the view of the moon from your house."
"Yeah right. You probably like me and just want to be as close as possible."
"Now look who's dreaming."
"Shut up!"
"Go home now Marie."
"Yeah yeah I know the routine."

I waved over my head to him and walked home. Opening the door to an empty house is always fun. No one here to ask where I was all this time and no one to bug me with quetions about my life. And why is that? Because my parents died last year in a car accident. I was near them when the car went off the road and hit them as they were walking around on their anniversary date. I watched as they laughed and then died instantly. That day was the sadest day of my life, but it was also the day I first saw Elie. He treated my parents like the rest.

"Now is not the time to go back into the past."

I dropped my bag on my bed and just layed there. I did all my homework at school and I have no friends except one, but she doesn't really count. Despite saying that, I told her that I can see the Death Collectors and Death Gods. She didn't believe me of course until I poitned out which person was going to die next and then the perosn died in front of us. Since then she's avoided me as best she could.

"Had a long day I presume?"
"You're done for today Elie?"
"Yes I am."
"Then are you going to stay here until I fall asleep?"
"I always do don't I?"
"Yes you always do." I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

I felt the sun upon my eyes and turned over to my side. I didn't feel like waking up at all. I felt really tired for some reason and couldn't seem to force myself up out of bed. Then a cold breeze touched my face and stayed there like an ice pack. I stayed laying there until I couldn't take the coldness no more.

"What is it dammit!"
"You're going to be late for school."
"What are you still doing here?"
"I have to follow you from now on."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's going to be your time soon Marie."
"Wait. That's impossible. I'm only 16! How can it be almost my time!"
"I don't know the answer to that, but it is almost your time. Now come before you're late for school."

He left my room and then I just sat there in bed. It's almost my time. I can't believe this! Why? Why now? I was only joking about me dying yesterday. I didn't really want to know when I was going to die and if I was actually going to die. This is no fair! I don't want to die at all!!

Despite not wanting to listen to Elie and not wanting to go to school, I still got dressed. The same old skirt and shirt. Then the same old bag and shoes. It all just looked like the same to me now that I knew that I was going to die.

"Are you ready?"
"For school yes. For you to follow me, no."
"Get used to it."

[Enjoying Ur Death]

"Could you not follow me so closely."
"Sorry but that is impossible. It is my job to follow you closely."
"I've watched you for a year Elie. You usually follow the person three steps behind them, not next to them."
"That's different. You can actually see me and like you said we're friends."
"You denied being my friend yesterday."
"Seeing how you're alone, you need a friend now."
"I wouldn't be alone if that stupid Death God didn't take my parents."
"If he didn't take your parents we would have never met."
"I hate you."
"I know."

I ended up skipping the rest of school and just going home. Elie followed me the whole time and when I was in my room he waited outside on the balcony. I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't want to eat, move, or sleep for it was all pointless anyway. He didn't look at me nor did he say a word to me. It was all very irritating. Plus I had this very heavy feeling in my chest that wouldn't go away and I didn't know why at all.

"So what day am I dying on?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Then am I going to the kingdom?"
"I can't tell you that either."
"What can you tell me?"
"Be patient and wait."
"Are you going to go with me when I die?"
"I can only give you the correct path."
"If I wished for it, could you take me to the gates of where I belong?"
"I'll think about it."
"Will it hurt?"
"Only for a moment."

I didn't ask him anymore. I merely put my arm over my eyes and cried. He didn't comfort me nor did he try to sooth me with gentle words. But then again I didn't expect him to. This is all meaniless. I am going to die and there is nothing I can do about it but wait. My only hope is that I die like my parents did.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

"Is there any meaning to a person dying?"
"The only meaning is so that another life can be born."
"So my life is being taken so another can replace it?"
"That is how the world works."
"Then what is the meaning of you taking dead souls?"
"You just said the answer. I am to take the souls of the dead and send them to Heaven or Hell."
"Who decides where the soul goes?"
"Our heavenly father God."
"What is God like?"
"I do not know for I have never met him."
"What do you think he is like then?"
"I believe he is a fair man."
"You still believe he's fair even though he's taking my life away?"
"No comment."
"Well you're of no help."
"I'm not suppose to be of any help to you."
"Does God come up with these rules you follow or do you?"
"I make them up."
"And why is that?"
"So I don't get attached."
"You saying you're attached to me?"
"If I was I wouldn't be the one collecting your soul."
"You might be right about that."
"I am right."
"Are you ever wrong?"
"Sometimes, but that is rarely."

We walked on through the park and I sat down on one of the swings that were there. Looking back I should have done so many things with this short life. I should have made friends instead of becoming a yankee and I should have focoused on my grades more. Now it is too late for me to do anything. I'm no longer a yankee, which ended too late, and I have no clue as to what is happening in school. It is all just a blur that seems to never clear up.

"Shall we go back to your house?"
"You know, when I was little I used to play on these swings a lot."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. I would always be late for dinner because I never wanted to leave this park. I just liked to swing as high as I could and then jump off." "The fun thing about jumping was the feeling I got from being in the air. It was like I was a bird that couldn't be touched."
"We should go now."
"Why are you in a rush?"
"Because you're being depressing."
"I'm going to die. Why shouldn't I be depressed?"
"Because you've seen many other people die in front of you."
"That's different."
"How?"
"It was other people."

[Beccav]

Interesting. If she knows all of this, and knows that people can repent, why doesn't she activly seek someone out to help her? The writing is clear, and the plot is progressing well, but it would be nice if you broke into the conversation with description of how how the characters said things or looked, or what they did as they said it more. Outside of that, I look forward to reading the rest!

[Alex Ryder]

It's a little cliche, in that I've read the plot elsewhere quite a few times, but I guess it's good. There's too much consecutive dialogue without description, or even any verbs. It's interesting, but it needs to be fleshed out with description, and maybe more detail.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

"Are you skipping school today Marie?"
"Of course." I tied up my long hair so that it wouldn't bother me while I walked around.
"Mind telling me why you're wearing your old yankee outfit?"
I looked down at my trench coat, baggy jeans, long belt, and black tank top. "Just thought I'd pay a few friends a visit and leave nothing undone."
"Exactly what do you mean by that?"
"I ran away instead of leaving properly."
"You're going to go get beat up just because you feel bad?"
"I'm going to go get beat up because I don't want to regret anything when I die."
"That's stupid."
"Then you don't have to follow me."

I left my house and started to walk down the road. Many people looked at me and automactically started to stray out of my way. Before I would have just started to beat on them for no reason, but now I'm just going to go and leave my gang the proper way. Turning onto a side street and then taking a short cut between apartment buildings I walked into the lair of the old city. The buildings were worn out and falling apart, but that's what our territory is. I kept walking in getting closer to the center when I heard the sound of their bats dragging on the pavement and then their low whistles.

"Looks like the traitor has come back to the devil," a voice from behind me said.
"Looking For a death wish?" Another voice from above shouted down.
Hearing nothing but cat calls, I reached the middle of the lair and stood there with my head up. "Decided to come crawling back now did you?" She said from on top of her makeshift throne of worn tires.
"Wanted to set things right."
"It's too late for that."
"It's never too late."
"Go home Marie you're not welcomed here."
"Not until you get rid of me the right way."
She looked at me for a few minutes. "If that's what you want then that's fine with me." She stood up and slung her bat over her shoulder.

Then she decended from her throne slowly with her trench coat flying behind her. The others started jumping down from the buildings and coming out of the shadows like a bunch of cockroaches. One by one they circled around me and then she went in the center to face me. Her demonic eyes looked straight through me and then she knocked her iron fist against my mouth. The beating soon began.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

I woke up and just layed on the ground. My whole body hurt like hell and I didn't feel like getting up. "They showed me not one ounce of mercy." I coughed up some blood and then spat it out. I closed my eyes and layed on the hard ground for a few more moments before finally getting up.

"Today wasn't the day you were suppose to die."
"Well geeze thanks for telling me that now." I looked over at him and saw his black hair in the faint light.
"You need medical attention."
"Go away. I'll take care of myself."
"What ever you say."
"Jerk." I got up and then made my way home.

My body felt like lead and I couldn't move my arms and legs. Everytime I tried to move it would send needle sharp pains through my whole body. I finally got my clothes off and climbed into the warm bath. The water soon turned red because of all the blood on my body."This is getting stupid."
"You need but to ask God for forgiveness."
"Shut up."
"As you wish."

"Elie when exactly am I dying?"
"How many times must I tell you that I cannot give you that information?"
"At least tell me the date or something."
His hazel eyes wondered up to look up at the moon and then he sighed. "The 26th."
I dropped the bandage I had in my hand and looked at him. "Of this month?"
"Yes."
I looked at him for a bit and then sat down on the balcony edge. "That's the day after tomorrow."
"I know."
"That's also the day of my birthday." He didn't say a thing to this comment and it made me a bit mad. "Elie?"
"What is it?"
"I really don't want to die yet."
"No one ever does."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is it."
"I don't want to die a virgin."
"Should I monopolize a male to give you your first time then?"
"No you idiot! I want you to be my first!" I blushed as I realized what I just said and then looked away. "I'm going to bed." I closed the glass screen door behind me and then climbed into bed without any thought of anything else but what just spilled out of my mouth.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

I stayed awake the whole night thinking about what I told Elie and I felt bad about it. He's dead. How can I possibly ask for something such as that? Why does me dying have to be so complicated. I put my arm over my eyes and tried to block out the bright sun. My body hurt still from the beating and I was being to lazy and depressed to climb out of bed.

"This sucks."
"Get up Marie."
"No."
I felt a gentle hand grab my arm and pull it off my face. I looked into his hazel eyes and how his bangs fell over his eyes. "I said get up. I'm giving you your early birthday gift. Now come on."

I merely stared at him and then he got up from my bed. He was very tall and slender. His ear was pierced at the top, which was something I never noticed, and the clothes he was wearing were very baggy on him but fit his image.

"Hurry up and get dressed." He walked out of my room and I heard the sound of the door closing. I dazed out for a moment and then jumped up.
"This can't really be happening." Even though I said it out loud, I still found myself trying to find my best clothes to wear.

I waited for her in the hallway as she got dressed. "Can you hurry it up?"
"I'm going!" I heard a bunch of thudding noises and the slamming of drawers. Finally after half an hour she came out of her room.
"Do I look ok?"
I was at a loss for words as I looked at the white dress that complimented her slender figure and how her long brown hair flowed down around her in curls. "Y-You look good."
"Really?"
Her questionable expression was really cute and distracting. "Yeah really. Now come on. Where do you want to go first?"
"Just give me your hand and follow me." She took my hand and I felt how soft and gentle her touch was.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

The first stop was at an ice cream shop where I tasted chocolate and strawberry flavored ice cream. I ended up getting some on my nose and when I went to wipe it off she leaned forward and licked it off. She blushed and then looked away from me. I was too surprised to do a thing and just kept looking at her.

"I didnt' want it to go to waste," she said and then lead me to the movie theater across the street.

We spent an hour watching a movie that was too sappy for me. She was having trouble watching the movie as well for she wasn't the romance type. In actuallity I thought she was more the barbarian type. But alas, during the movie I couldn't help but bug her and make her uneasy. I nibbled on her ear or played with her hair.

"Where to next?"
"I want to go to the beach."
"Then lets go."
"How? It takes hours to get there by train."
"I arranged something ahead of time." I took her hand and lead her to the front of a candy store and then took out a pair of keys. "I'm driving." I sat on top of the motorcycle and started it.
"You can drive?"
"I can drive." I threw the helmet at her and then waited for her to climb on.

We drove around on the street with the wind hitting against my face. Her arms where wrapped around me tightly and I could feel her breath against my neck. It was soothing and I didn't feel like ever getting to the beach. Just when thinking that, the sight of the beach came into view and she held on tighter. I took the turn into the parking lot and then shut off the engine.

"Looks like we made it before sunset."
"Good." She hopped off and then ran onto the beach sand. She then knelt down and took her sandles off. "Come on Elie." She had a bright smile that I have never seen since her parents died.
"Going." I ran out and met with her on the sand close to the water edge.
"Thank you Elie."
"For what?"
"For doing this for me."
"Oh. You're welcome then."
"Elie?"
"Yes?"
"I love you." I looked up at her and met her big brown eyes.
"I know." I stood up and then kissed her. "Lets go back now." She merely nodded her head and took my hand.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

I layed her down and then started to kiss her. "Do you still want me to be your first?"
She pressed her hands against my chest and looked me in the eye. "Yes."
"Ok then."
.......................................

I woke up to the sun in my eyes and then turned over on my side. His body was very warm and I snuggled close into his body. I kissed his neck and then gazed at his sleeping face for a bit. I ran my fingers over his face and then left my hand pressed against his chest.

"Let me sleep."
"Wake up."
"Why?"
"Because I want to take you somewhere today before I die."
He didnt' say anything and I thought he fell back to sleep. "Ok."

We both got out of bed and I was too embarrassed to look at him. He sensed my nervousness and didn't look at me while I got dressed. Although, I did steal glances at his muscular build as he got dressed.

"Where are we going?"
"You'll see." I lead him down the street and then to the place where my parents died.
"Isn't this where?"
"Yes it is."
"Why here?"
"I'm hoping." I looked into his eyes and then kissed him.

[Enjoying Ur Death]

SCCCRRRRREEEECCCCH!!!!
BANG!!!!
BOOM!!!!!!

I opened my eyes and saw Elie lying on the floor in front of the car. I felt something warm dripping down my neck but I didn't care. I looked at him and saw that he wasn't moving. I crawled over and grabbed his head and placed it on my lap.

"Elie? Elie?!"
His eyes twitched and then they opened slowly. "That hurt."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do that?!"
"Isn't it obvious? I love you dammit."
"But, I'm suppose to be dead. Isn't that how it works?"
"Yeah well I don't feel like letting you die yet." He sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "I can't believe I forgot what pain felt like."
"Get used to it you moron," a voice said from the hood of the car.

I looked at Elie and saw blood dripping down the back and front of his head. Then I took his hand and looked at where the voice came from. The Death God sat there wearing his black baggy outfit and smoking. He looked down at us and then he looked straight at Elie. Elie merely looked back at him and waited for a response.

"You interfered with her death."
"And your point is?"
"You pissed off God."
"Yeah I know that already. Anything else?"
"Yeah. You're not welcomed back into the kingdom. Also, your being punished to live enternity in the world of the living."
"An enternity?"
"Yes."
"And Marie?"
"I'm going to take her life some other time, until then, enjoy youself." He disappeared and then I looked at Elie.
"I can't live forever."
"I know."
"Then?"
"Ask for reincarnation and I'll find you everytime and will love you."
"Idiot." Tears rolled down my cheeks and I hugged him tightly. "You're such and idiot."
"So you say." He hugged me back and kissed my forehead. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.
"I love you too."





The End

[sena-kun21]

That was a bitter sweet ending. I like it...but like Beccav and Alex said be a little more descriptive. I like to know how Marie and Elie are feeling. Also, you've switched on who's talking in the first person...which at first confused me. But afer reading a couple of lines, I got it. Anyway, nice story. I've enjoyed it alot.l

[Enjoying Ur Death]

i left hoe they're suppose to feel up to u guys. some ppl like to put different feelings for some lines and another for others so i just left the emotions up to the readers so u can feel more apart of the story. oh guess it didn't work though but meh whatever

[tears123]

Eh... Should've pm'ed me or something. I'll give this a read soon.

[shelter]

It's funny casting a lot already & then returning to review the story in question.

Already mentioned that your conception of love (something vaguely spiritual, with a hint of the physical) was something that made me stand up & notice this story. The underlying relationship between Elie & the death god is also something that caught my interest. I would say that, even though I don't really read long stories, I also felt the length was also just right for developing the main relationship.

The fact that Marie could see Elie from the beginning was not explained at the end. I read through the chapters expecting some revelation to this anomaly, so not solving this plot issue was a bit of a letdown for me. Then there was the POV switch halfway through the story. Why switch to Elie? It threw me completely off the story because the change in perspective was enormous. A probable improvement would be that if you wanted to switch to Elie's POV, you should've stayed with it, to give the effect of a kind of attachment to Marie despite him being a harbinger of death.